ChatGPT helped write my wedding vows

A very special and personal edition of (PR)ompt

TL;DR: Wedding vows are like a bespoke script. Showing how ChatGPT helped write my vows demonstrates three use cases of LLMs:

1)    Writing a script

2)    Giving a brain dump form

3)    Translating reliably and quickly  

If you don’t want all the context, feel free to skip directly “To the Lab.”

I present to you a change of pace this week as I write to you from a high-speed train in South-West China. Instead of a corporate scenario, I want to share a true story of how I implemented ChatGPT to help with a very special moment in my life.

On July 6, my wife and I had a celebration and banquet (IYKYK) in her hometown in China. We dragged three suitcases, our 14-month-old son, a carseat, travel stroller and my 75-year-old father on a 16-hour flight across the world to Guangzhou. Then, we hopped on a six-hour high-speed train ride to her hometown in Guizhou.

The day before the big day, as our toddler was struggling with jet lag and a virus he caught on the plane — and generously shared with most of the family — my wife said it would be nice to exchange vows since we never had the chance to have a real ceremony before.

The superspreader himself

Speaking in front of an audience usually doesn’t faze me. But this was a nerve-wracking situation. Not only did I have to help take care of our toddler, but I also had to pen my vows in English and Chinese.

I can hold my own in Chinese during one-on-one conversations. But in a big group or on a complex topic, I struggle. My reading and writing skills are even worse. At their best, they peaked at a third or fourth-grade level.

With my wife’s permission, I used ChatGPT to make this happen.

To the lab!

The Assignment: Write vows to my wife to demonstrate my love for her and my appreciation for the life we built together. Set myself up for success to be able to recite the vows in both English and Chinese.

Here was my actual initial prompt/cry for help to ChatGPT:

“I have to give vows to my wife tomorrow at our Chinese wedding.  It should be between 3-5 minutes.  First I want to provide a word dump, then feel free to ask me 10 additional questions to make it really good.  Keep in mind I will also need to translate in Chinese at the end, and it should be suitable for a Chinese audience.”

Let’s break this recipe down, and how I used it to create my full vows.

1)    The context/form: The context here is fairly simple. ChatGPT understands that my vows should be short and that whatever I write will be appropriate for the Chinese audience. No salacious details about our early relationship like you might have at an American wedding.

2)    The Brain Dump: Like most people, I don’t think in key messages or talking points. My thoughts are an ADHD tempest, and when I’m excited about something, I speak quickly. Sometimes, by the time I write something down, the thought is already miles behind and the train has moved on. When I write anything remotely challenging, I try my best to write as much as possible first without care of its form, then go back through it to edit and make it better.

Here, ChatGPT’s voice mode came in handy so I could stream-of-consciousness give my AI companion the context it needed as quickly as possible. I did this during a pretend nap during lunch where I retired to the bedroom of our apartment in Tongren and whispered about my wife into my phone. This felt eerily like the movie “Her.”

3)    The flipped interaction: My wife and I have been together for nine years and married for five of them. I could babble to my phone for hours yet still miss important moments of our shared experience. One of my favorite things to do with ChatGPT is brainstorm with the flipped interaction prompt pattern – getting the LLM to ask me questions to solicit good ideas.

Here, I got ChatGPT to ask me 10 questions based on my “word dump” to prime me to remember things that would be relevant and meaningful for my vows. Note that I decided to write the answers to these questions instead of speaking them and took the questions one at a time. Here is where I spent about 75% of the time with the vows.

Here are the 10 questions it asked me:

1. What was your first impression of Yoyo when you met her at Google in Shanghai?

2. Can you describe a moment or experience during your friendship that made you realize you had deeper feelings for her?

3. What specific qualities or traits in Yoyo do you admire the most?

4. Can you recall a particular adventure or journey you both went on that signifies your bond?

5. How has Yoyo inspired you or helped you grow as a person?

6. What are some small, everyday things Yoyo does that make you feel loved and appreciated?

7. How has your relationship evolved from the early days of dating to now?

8. Can you share a memory from when Yoyo was pregnant or a moment that stands out to you about her as a mother?

9. What are your hopes and dreams for your future together as a family?

10. How do you envision your partnership in the years to come, and what promises do you want to make to Yoyo today?

4)     Human refinement: With all that context, ChatGPT spit out a really good first draft. I spent 10-15 minutes combing through it to make small refinements like word-choice changes and better injecting my voice into it. 

5)     Translation: Chinese is a part of my everyday life. My wife only speaks to our son in Chinese, and I use it to communicate with her family who don’t speak any English. Many of our friends are Chinese or Chinese-American, and our conversations often drift in and out of both languages.

I’ve done A LOT of experimentation with LLMs and translation. It is mind-blowingly accurate, even with colloquialisms. It’s miles ahead of the tools we’ve been using for years like Google Translate.

It’s good enough that I trusted it with my wedding vows. Besides, my wife is the only bilingual person who could have possibly reviewed them. Because my Chinese-reading skills are rusty, I also asked ChatGPT to include pinyin, which are phonetic sounds of Chinese characters. To ensure I could easily go back and forth between Chinese and English, I asked ChatGPT to put my vows in a specific template:

“Please provide output in the following template, paragraph by paragraph so I can also read in Chinese:

English

Pinyin

Chinese”

Here are the full vows:

And a picture of me reading them…

English:

Yoyo, I had a crush on you ever since we were colleagues at Google in Shanghai. I remember how you teased me about my Chinese, telling me I sounded like a little girl while we were playing ping pong during a team-building exercise, when everyone else would just praise me for simple phrases. You did it in such a gentle and funny way. I was struck by how pretty and sharp you were, and boy you flourished while navigating multiple cultures in that job and in Shanghai.

Pinyin:

Yoyo, zìcóng wǒmen zài Shànghǎi de Gǔgē gōngsī zuò tóngshì shí, wǒ jiù xǐhuān shàng le nǐ. Wǒ jìdé zài yīcì tuánduì jiànshè huódòng zhōng, wǒmen dǎ pīngpāng qiú shí, nǐ qǔxiào wǒ de Zhōngwén, shuō wǒ tīng qǐlái xiàng gè xiǎo nǚhái, ér qítā Zhōngguó rén zhǐ huì yīnwèi wǒ shuō de jiǎndān huàyǔ ér kuājiǎng wǒ. Nǐ yǐ yī zhǒng wēnróu yǒuqù de fāngshì shuō chūlái, wǒ bèi nǐ de měilì hé jīzhì suǒ dǎdòng, kànzhe nǐ zài duō zhǒng wénhuà zhōng yóurèn yǒuyú.

Chinese:

Yoyo，自从我们在上海的谷歌公司做同事时，我就喜欢上了你。我记得在一次团队建设活动中，我们打乒乓球时，你取笑我的中文，说我听起来像个小女孩，而其他中国人只会因为我说的简单话语而夸奖我。你以一种温柔有趣的方式说出来，我被你的美丽和机智所打动，看着你在多种文化中游刃有余。

English:

We had already been friends for years when we started dating. I would walk to the metro with you every day after work and wait for you if you had a class because that was my opportunity to deepen our relationship. You handled yourself so well, even in socially tough situations, like meeting my parents before we were even dating, and meeting friends of friends.

Pinyin:

Zài wǒmen kāishǐ yuēhuì qián, wǒmen yǐjīng shì duōnián de péngyǒu. Wǒ měitiān gōngzuò hòu dūhuì péi nǐ zǒu dào dìtiě zhàn, rúguǒ nǐ hái yǒu kè, wǒ huì děng nǐ, yīnwèi nà shì wǒ jiāshēn wǒmen guānxì de jīhuì. Nǐ zài shèjiāo chǎnghé zhōng biǎoxiàn dé fēicháng chū sè, jíshǐ shì zài hái méi hé wǒ yuēhuì shí jiàn wǒ de fùmǔ, yǐjí jiàn péngyǒu de péngyǒu shí yě yīyàng.

Chinese:

在我们开始约会前，我们已经是多年的朋友。我每天工作后都会陪你走到地铁站，如果你还有课，我会等你，因为那是我加深我们关系的机会。你在社交场合中表现得非常出色，即使是在还没和我约会时见我的父母，以及见朋友的朋友时也一样。

English:

I love your optimism and adventurous spirit. You always expect a positive outcome and dive into things without fear. Our first trip together to Qiandao Lake was a testament to that. Even when you got extremely sick, you let me take care of you, and we continued our journey to climb Huang Shan and visit Hong Cun.

Pinyin:

Wǒ ài nǐ de lèguān hé màoxiǎn jīngshén. Nǐ zǒng shì qídài jījí de jiéguǒ, bùpà yīngjiē yīqiè. Wǒmen dì yīcì yīqǐ lǚxíng dào Qiāndǎo Hú jiù shì zuì hǎo de zhèngmíng. Jíshǐ nǐ bìng dé hěn zhòng, nǐ ràng wǒ zhàogù nǐ, wǒmen jìxù wǒmen de lǚchéng, páshàng Huáng Shān, cānguān Hóng Cūn.

Chinese:

我爱你的乐观和冒险精神。你总是期待积极的结果，不怕迎接一切。我们第一次一起旅行到千岛湖就是最好的证明。即使你病得很重，你让我照顾你，我们继续我们的旅程，爬上黄山，参观宏村。

English:

My love for you and now for Kai has inspired me to work as hard as possible to give us a good life. This means excelling in my career to provide financial support, taking care of myself physically, and playing an active role in the parts of life we both find challenging, like cleaning the house and changing dirty diapers.

Pinyin:

Duì nǐ de ài yǐjí duì Kai de ài jīlìzhe wǒ jǐn kěnéng nǔlì gōngzuò, gěi wǒmen gèng hǎo de shēnghuó. Zhè yìwèizhe zài wǒ de shìyè shàng tuōyǎo ér chū, tígōng jīngjì zhīchí, zhàogù hǎo zìjǐ de shēntǐ jiànkāng, bìng zài wǒmen dōu juéde tiǎozhàn de shēnghuó lǐngyù zhōng zhùdòng chūxiàn, xiàng dǎsǎo fángzi hé huàn niào bù.

Chinese:

对你的爱以及对Kai的爱激励着我尽可能努力工作，给我们更好的生活。这意味着在我的事业上脱颖而出，提供经济支持，照顾好自己的身体健康，并在我们都觉得挑战的生活领域中主动出现，像打扫房子和换尿布。

English:

Our relationship has evolved from romantic beginnings to building a life together, moving from Shanghai to New York, owning a home, and raising our wonderful son. I’m often amazed that how two, silly fun-loving people can make such a functional couple.

Pinyin:

Wǒmen de guānxì cóng làngmàn de kāishǐ fāzhǎn dào gòngtóng jiànshè shēnghuó, cóng Shànghǎi bān dào Niǔyuē, yǒngyǒu yī zuò jiā, yīqǐ fǔyǎng wǒmen měihǎo de érzi. Wǒ chángcháng jīngyà yú liǎng gè xǐhuān kāiwánxiào de rén shì rúhé chéngwéi zhème yī duì jū yǒu xiàonéng de fūqī.

Chinese:

我们的关系从浪漫的开始发展到共同建设生活，从上海搬到纽约，拥有一座家，一起抚养我们美好的儿子。我常常惊讶于两个喜欢开玩笑的人是如何成为这么一对具有效能的夫妻。

English:

My hopes and dreams for our future are to raise Kai in a way that makes our respective Chinese and Jewish families proud. I want to instill in him the same love for life that we share and continue going on amazing adventures together until the very end.

Pinyin:

Wǒ duì wǒmen wèilái de xīwàng hé mèngxiǎng shì bǎ Kai péiyǎng de ràng wǒmen de Zhōngguó hé Yóutài jiātíng dōu gǎndào jiāo’ào. Wǒ xiǎng zài tā xīnzhōng zhòngrù yǔ wǒmen tóngyàng duì shēnghuó de rè’ài, bìng jìxù yīqǐ j ìnxíng jīngrén de màoxiǎn zhídào shēngmìng de zuìzhōng.

Chinese:

我对我们未来的希望和梦想是把Kai培养得让我们的中国和犹太家庭都感到骄傲。我想在他心中种入与我们同样对生活的热爱，并继续一起进行惊人的冒险直到生命的最终。

English:

Yoyo, I vow to keep doing my best to build a life filled with love, laughter, and adventure. I promise to support you in every way, from sharing the burdens of everyday chores to celebrating our big and small victories. I will strive to be the best husband and father, ensuring our home is a place of warmth and joy for Kai and us.

Pin yin:

Yoyo, wǒ fāshì huì jìnlì jiànshè yī gè chōngmǎn ài, xiàohé hé màoxiǎn de shēnghuó. Wǒ chéngnuò huì cóng gè fāngmiàn zhīchí nǐ, cóng fēndān rìcháng de jiāwù dào qìngzhù wǒmen de dà xiǎo shènglì. Wǒ huì lìzhì zuò zuì hǎo de zhàngfū hé fùqīn, quèbǎo wǒmen de jiā shì yī gè chōngmǎn wēnnuǎn hé kuàilè de dìfāng, gěi Kai hé wǒmen.

Chinese:

Yoyo，我发誓会尽力建设一个充满爱、笑和冒险的生活。我承诺会从各方面支持你，从分担日常的家务到庆祝我们的大小胜利。我会立志做最好的丈夫和父亲，确保我们的家是一个充满温暖和快乐的地方，给Kai和我们。

Afterward

“Any idiot can write a press release,” one of my mentors commented on my last post. His point resonates because there are usually predefined templates, and once we’re familiar with them, it’s a matter of small tweaks to fit the idiosyncrasies of the specific situation.

In fact, communicators serve as pretrained LLMs because we’re using our institutional knowledge and context to put new information in the proper form. Training an LLM with all of the institutional knowledge that a human “LLM” might already have can be more work than just writing the damn thing, especially since it’s sometimes hard to articulate all the institutional knowledge of what makes a brand and what context might matter for the particular situation.

So, I want to clarify here – just because I gave a prompt recipe for writing a press release doesn’t mean I think LLMs are best used for the task. It’s a little like fishing with dynamite for a specific fish, but after the explosion, you still need to find the one you were looking for.

Most communicators would probably agree that it’s much more difficult to draft bespoke scripts because they require combining the personal experience and tone of the speaker with the key messages to meet a specific moment. It’s a delicate balance because the speaker comes across as wooden and soulless if they screw up the former and can create serious issues if they screw up the official messaging.

I actually think LLMs are better at this more difficult task because the challenging part is putting the content into form. The exercise of using ChatGPT to write my wedding vows was a prime example of this. Writing vows involves deeply personal and unique content that cannot rely on templates or predefined structures. This makes it a more complicated task than writing a press release, which is often formulaic.

Here are a few reasons why I found this exercise valuable:

1) Personalization and Authenticity: Writing wedding vows demands a high level of personalization and authenticity. The LLM had to capture my unique voice, the specific nuances of my relationship with my wife, and the cultural context for a Chinese audience.

2) Complexity in Translation: Translating vows into Chinese added another layer of complexity. It wasn’t just about getting the words right; it was about ensuring the sentiment and cultural appropriateness were maintained.

3) Adaptive Questioning: The interactive process where the LLM asked follow-up questions based on my initial brain dump was crucial. It allowed for a dynamic and iterative development of the content, ensuring that the final output was comprehensive and reflective of my feelings.

Thank you for reading

I hope you enjoyed this week’s more personal entry. Please let me know if you would like to explore any specific topics in upcoming editions. My inbox is always open.